Living in Canada gives us access to a good healthcare system that doesn't require out-of-pocket payment for treatments. One down side is the crazy hours they expect you to accept for MRI scans. I just received an appointment time for my next MRI scan. 1:15AM at Toronto Western. Factor in the 45min drive each way and 1hr long scan. Are they crazy? 1:15AM on a Thursday morning? With the scan being digital, and with Durham region having modern MRI equipment, why am I not able to have this scan done at a local hospital or at a reasonable hour? Why isn't my interventional radiologist able to have my MRI done then a follow-up appointment within the same day, saving me two trips downtown Toronto? IF this was a life-threatening condition, maybe I'd not be so grumpy about travelling into Toronto for each appointment. But it's not. These treatments are my choice, my decision to improve how I live, look and function. After 6 treatments, I'm ready to quit. There aren't any improvements. The swelling is still the same, if not WORSE than it was before. I now have jaw movement issues, minor, but just the same, still there. When my cheek swells, my jaw movement is tight. When the swelling decreases, it improves. This is why I am having an MRI, to see what's going on. Maybe my next step should be a visual improvement. See if they can reduce just the discolouration, not the swelling. Wait... there's makeup for that, right?
Perhaps this is bothering me more because we'll be starting all our Fall programs this week. New kids, more stares, more questions. I don't mind the questions. I encourage them! I really hate the stares. The heads that pivot when I walk past. I worry that my kids see this. That they notice others staring at their Mom. I do my best to make light of any odd questions (hey, what's with your face? ....Oh, I was going to ask about that strange tattoo - a carny at the fair. Like I could ever take that seriously!! ;) I also try my best to teach my kids not to stare at people with visible differences.
I've dealt with this for my entire life. I really can't complain. As far as differences go, mine is pretty minor. It doesn't affect my speech, breathing, or eating. It doesn't affect my movement. It doesn't affect my day-to-day activities much. And most of all, it doesn't cause pain. There are many people with conditions and ailments much worse. My life is good. I have three beautiful children who make me feel like everyone else. I'm married to a wonderful guy, who loves me despite my facial malformation. With all this, I am blessed.
Or perhaps, I should stop drinking wine while blogging.